Bdsm struggling giving up control-Power Exchange or Power Struggle in a D/s Relationship? | Passion with a Dark and Dangerous Twist

Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. How can they successfully meet the challenge? I have a FREE cheatsheet for you to help put these ideas into practice!

Bdsm struggling giving up control

Bdsm struggling giving up control

Bdsm struggling giving up control

BDSM is a journey, so keep things light-hearted but take your submission seriously. I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as Bdzm have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help striggling give up control. What is Dominance? Some things that may surprise you about the author: She works, she has no children, she does not refer to the Bible in Bdsm struggling giving up control book, and she calls herself a feminist. If I have learned my lessons and I behave well, then that pleases Him. Exactly Bdsm struggling giving up control much as you are comfortable with. She needs clear and concise directions, she needs consistency, she needs goals which are not unattainable, and she craves and needs the reward of knowing she is pleasing her Master when she behaves correctly. They are obedient, and accept discipline when needed.

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Jo was absolutely tiny, especially compared to Nick. Cosplay 1, Strgugling girl receiving the craziest toy session ever 8 min Asians Bondage - 1. Related Categories. Jo was a really good cook, and I ate the pasta with great enjoyment. Cindy Dollar ball gagged struggling. First FlushMasturbation 36, Bdsm struggling giving up control pushed the striggling away, keeping one for under my head, flipped the duvet over me and fell asleep. Hot slave in bondage 40 min Bondage - 1. Webcam 9, Role Play 5,

Now, don't get me wrong - there are plenty of fun and naughty ways to order a submissive around in the bedroom.

  • BDSM encompasses a wide range of fetish practices centered on domination and submission.
  • I looked around me in satisfaction; all the moving boxes were emptied and everything packed away neatly.
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Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. How can they successfully meet the challenge? I have a FREE cheatsheet for you to help put these ideas into practice! Click the button below to get it right now. They want someone who truly desires to be owned.

Unlike BDSM, abuse has no limits or safewords. If you are a sub, be very careful not to give your submission to just anyone. True submission has to be earned first. There are many bad Doms out there, and even predators pretending to be Doms. The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control. They crave being used and need to serve. A submissive can take on many different roles such as:.

They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually. This means that they may have to give up some of their own personal freedoms and preferences. It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient, and accept discipline when needed. Subs are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time. It can be hard to work on behavior modification and serving someone else when you are tired and pressed for time.

Also a test to many is being obedient even when not in the presence of their Dom. One challenge I have had to overcome as a submissive is topping from the bottom. They should also try to obey rules to the best of their ability, but if discipline is necessary they should take it willingly. Wearing a collar, even a discreet one in public, can help keep a sub in the slave mindset. They are property owned by someone else, and as such they are a representation of their Dom.

This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies. Ways they can do this are:. True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life.

Being a submissive means they are held to a higher standard, but it is all worth it. Thanks for visiting the site! There are lots of online and offline BDSM communities you could check out. I list some of my favorite places in Dom Sub Training , and give my step-by-step tips to find a partner. Thanks for this info. As a sub I struggle with being a sub outside of the bedroom.

Thank you so much for reading! It can be hard to take the submissive personality out of the bedroom and into everyday life.

You can still be a confident, independent, and strong individual and still be a sub. Just remember: you are not weak. You are the one choosing this lifestyle for yourself. Your submission is a gift that only you have the power to give. If being completely subservient feels too scary at first, start small.

Work on keeping your words and demeanor respectful to your Master. Give hime the opportunity to make choices for you. I hope this helps, and thanks again for stopping by! Hi Alora! Thank you for visiting! Georgia, I too struggle with this. It was easier to be a sub when I was not so confident and independent. I do it to feel owned because it fills a hole in my life, to feel someone depends on me entirely for their pleasure because I feel whole when I please someone.

I really enjoyed reading this. I was out of the life style for awhile but then met a man with similar desires and much knowledge. I am finding it hard to go back to the role while we are apart but as with anything I know this takes time to accomplish. Thank you for this article.. Angie, Thank you so much for your comment!

Do you have any advice? Thanks in advanced! Hi Meghan! The above article and cheat sheet can help you get into the mindset and help you focus on your new identity. I have tips plus step-by-step guides in my structured training program, Dom Sub Training.

It can help you find a genuine partner and make BDSM a way of life. I have one comment to the other female subs who are worried about losing their strong, independent personality, and that is to know that the sub is the one with the control in these relationships.

So although you are doing anything your Dom asks of you within your limits and your goal is to make him happy, you get to determine what your limits are and then let him surprise you from there and satisfy your needs too! Thank you for your kind advice for other subs.

I realize this is a personal decision but the few friends she has trusted enough to tell them who and what she is …seem to snub her.

The worse part is she is an ex-mormon and with children.. Thanks for the listen. Thank you so much for your insight as a Dom. I am so happy to find you and your blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I want to be a good sub. And I am new to this. So happy to find you and this blog. Great info! I am a new sub and an older sub…just discovering the real me! My Dom is new as well. I want to please him all the time, but he has a stressful job and sometimes like to lash out at me and says hurtful things.

Hi Stacy. Topping from the Bottom is an issue you can read about here. A good Dom would understand that. One of my biggest problems is that I do not like the word no and have trouble obeying when told no.

I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as I have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help me give up control.

Hi Cristina! I completely understand that it can be hard to give up control. You can read the tips for topping from the bottom to help you. Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it. Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave? Would something like that be considered for a little? I know it all depends on the contract and understanding. Hi Danie! Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding.

The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible. Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric.

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Bdsm struggling giving up control

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Closed Captions College 2, Compilation 11, Cosplay 1, Creampie 14, Cuckold 1, Cumshot 27, Czech 3, Described Video Double Penetration 7, Ebony 15, Euro 10, Exclusive 19, Feet 3, Female Orgasm 3, Fetish 25, Fingering 1, Fisting 1, French 1, Funny 1, Gangbang 6, German 3, Handjob 7, Hardcore 79, Hentai 2, Indian 2, Interactive Interracial 18, Italian 1, Japanese 14, Korean Latina 12, Lesbian 25, Massage 4, Masturbation 36, Mature 9, MILF 44, Muscular Men Music 2, Orgy 9, Parody Party 2, Pissing 2, Popular With Women 15, Pornstar , POV 35, Public 18, Pussy Licking 10, Reality 20, Red Head 11, Role Play 5, While we were talking and laughing I looked at Nick inconspicuously from under my eyelashes.

With his 53 years old he was 19 years older than myself, with an awesome body for somebody his age. He did some boxing training and he ran several times a week and it showed. Standing at 6'3" he was a full foot taller than me and he had shortish brown curly hair that was showing quite a bit of grey around the temples, something I've always found sexy.

I thought him completely fuckable and fancied him big time. It was too bad he was married. I stay away from men who are already in a relationship because it can only end in trouble and heartache. I sternly told my inner self to stop drooling and go away, this man was not for me!

Jo was absolutely tiny, especially compared to Nick. At only 4'9" she was even much shorter than me, and I consider myself quite short at 5'3".

Our body shapes were completely different as well. She was built quite athletic with nice proportions and boobs that looked no bigger than a B-cup. Jo had lovely black, curly hair that she kept fairly short whereas I had straight brown hair that came to my shoulders. She was one year older than Nick, 54, and she was still incredibly sexy.

If I was a lesbian, I could quite easily have been attracted to her. I liked Nick and Jo and didn't want to do anything to strain our easy relationship. I therefore resolved to keep my mind out of the gutter when looking at Nick. Easier said than done After dinner I helped Jo clean up the table while Nick went into the living room and started playing piano. When I was done in the kitchen I walked towards the music and leant in the doorway looking at Nick. He was playing some old blues-sounding music.

His big hands with long supple fingers were playing easily and he had a dreamy expression on his face, eyes half-closed. He played really well, and I quickly found myself imagining those long-fingered hands playing around on my body. I felt myself getting wet and was startled when Jo came up behind me. Blushing a bit, I declined the offer of coffee, claiming tiredness after a long day of moving. Thanking Jo and Nick for dinner and wishing them goodnight, I climbed up the stairs back to my little apartment.

I was still thinking about Nick's hands and was really quite jealous of Jo at that moment. I wanted to be the one to share his bed that night! I had worked myself up a fair bit and as soon as I got up the stairs I went to the chest of drawers containing my underwear and scarfs and from the bottom drawer I pulled out my box of toys.

I had quite an extensive collection of toys. I never felt sexually completely satisfied by my ex and I collected a number of toys over the years to play with when I was by myself. We both knew there was something missing in the relationship, but things didn't come to a head until he was offered a job in a different part of the country. I realised I just didn't love him enough to give up my job and pack up my whole life to follow him. He didn't love me enough to turn down the job.

Our break-up was really quite amicable and no harsh words were thrown around. I pulled my favourite double penetration vibrating dildo out of the box, and reached for the lube while undoing my trousers with my other hand at the same time.

I dropped my trousers and panties as I walked to the queen sized bed and kicked them off my legs. Standing next to the bed I lubed up the anal probe and then inserted both the shaft and the probe, bending my knees slightly. Both went in without any trouble and straightening my legs I quickly took my shirt and my bra off. I piled some pillows together on the bed and covered the hump with a rough towel I fetched from the cupboard.

Walking to the cupboard and back was lovely, feeling the dildo moving around in both my holes. After I had the towel tucked in tightly around the pillows I straddled the hump and just before lowering my mound I turned on the vibration on the dildo. I lowered myself down and started to gently grind down on the rough towel.

My hands went to my breasts and started squeezing and pulling. My breasts are very soft and heavy and can be manipulated in all different kinds of ways. I started rolling and pinching my nipples with my fingers, imagining it was done by Nick.

I lifted my left breast to my mouth and started sucking and gently biting the nipple. How I wished it was Nick's mouth! I tilted my hips forward and down and started to really grind my clit down on the pillow. I was so hot and needed a quick relief. My hands left my breasts so I could put my hands down on the mattress and I started humping the pile of pillows for all I was worth, grinding my clit over the rough towel.

I was moaning, trying to keep the noise down, imagining Nick slamming into me from behind. I was rotating my hips so I could feel the dildo moving around in both my holes. My breasts were hanging down heavily and were swinging around with my movements.

I imagined Nick fucking my pussy from behind with his dick while pumping his fingers in my ass and I came explosively. I was biting the duvet, trying to stop myself from screaming out loud. I reached under me and turned off the vibrator, not having the strength to pull it out of me. All my muscles trembling I rolled off the pillows and slowly relaxed. I pushed the pillows away, keeping one for under my head, flipped the duvet over me and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning, still with the dildo inside of me. I was still horny and lying on my back I started to play with my breasts. While squeezing and pinching and rubbing and rolling I kept my eyes closed and once again thought about Nick. What type of man would he be regarding sex?

Would he like a bit of kink or was he a vanilla type guy? I hoped he was kinky and adventurous. How would he and Jo like to have sex? Jo was so tiny, he could completely flatten and cover her, dominate her.

At that thought I felt another flush of wetness starting in my pussy.

A submissives journey - Control in a D/s relationship

Now, don't get me wrong - there are plenty of fun and naughty ways to order a submissive around in the bedroom. In fact, many long-term power exchange relationships involve a lot of nonsexual orders. Many Dominants order submissives to perform acts of service that make the Dominant's life easier.

The possibilities are endless and can include:. One submissive client I worked with had a ritual she performed that involved an intricate way of making the bed for her Dominant.

Every day as she went through those motions, her mind would drift to her Dom's face and how appreciative he'd later be of her efforts. Another submissive client said similar of his morning ritual of fixing his mistress's coffee just the way she liked it. Orders don't always need to be directly for a Dominant's own selfish benefit. Instead, many Dominants give orders that promote their submissive's own self-improvement.

These could be small actions, such as reading a specific book to pick up a new skill or applying for a job the submissive might normally not have the confidence to try for on their own.

The orders could be aimed towards a much larger goal as well. One submissive client I know was ordered by her Dominant to go back to school to earn her bachelor's degree. In both cases, these submissives longed to make those life changes but felt like they couldn't because of impostor syndrome. The Dominant's order gave them the confidence to do it. Why would a Dominant give this kind of order? One Dom I know put it this way, "Yes, I'm in control, and I could take that control and use it to run my sub into the ground, but I'd rather build them up so they can be the best person they can be.

Then what do you have? A broken toy. Maintenance is important. Other Dominants assist their submissives in losing weight through diet and exercise Domming. In addition to being another way for the Dominant to exercise control no pun intended, although it IS a great pun Some Dominants will put their submissives on strict diets, even spelling out the exact menu and requiring their submissives to weigh and measure all foods and track their intake in a food log.

Allowing someone else to manage your finances is an act that takes a lot of trust because it opens a submissive up to potential financial abuse by an unscrupulous Dominant.

Our voice is a big part of our identity and our autonomy. As a way of exercising control, some Doms employ speech restriction orders where a submissive isn't to speak until spoken to - or not even then, depending on the order.

This speech restriction can be part of a kinky scene, of course, but can also extend outside of bedroom time to a couple's everyday existence. I knew a woman who had tried everything to stop biting her nails - sheer willpower, setting aside money for each day she resisted that she could spend on something fun.

She even painted them with bitter-tasting varnish. Nothing worked. He ordered her to stop biting her nails and grow out claws to rake his back. Only then was she able to stop biting her nails. I've also seen submissives effectively kick cigarettes when their non-smoking Dominants order them not to smoke. Much like with diet and exercise-based orders, Dominants can serve as a source of accountability and help eliminate unwanted behaviors. This can take many forms.

Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. Toggle navigation Menu. Page Turner October 12, Here are 6 orders for submissives that don't revolve around sex. Acts of Service Many Dominants order submissives to perform acts of service that make the Dominant's life easier.

Explore Prostate Stimulation with Electrosex Capabilities. Shop Now. Written by Page Turner. Page Turner is a relationship coach and social connector in the poly and kink communities. She is the head writer for Poly. Land , a website that publishes new content daily with an editorial focus on ethical non-monogamy, and the author of "Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory.

Full Bio. Related Articles. What Kind of Submissive Are You? A Beginner's Guide to Submission. Related Terms. What's the difference between a wood, leather or silicone spanking paddle?

Can I still consider myself a feminist if I like a man to dominate me in bed? Is there some etiquette to attending a BDSM munch? Kinkly Deals.

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Bdsm struggling giving up control

Bdsm struggling giving up control